The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this beer tastes like vomit already
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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