I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize