I think I just saw someone hide a body.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
