that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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