I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
