Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
