38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
