Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Randomize
