I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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