; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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