You work out of a Hotel?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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