You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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