I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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