I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
