i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Life is so much better after having sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
