i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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