Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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