Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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