she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
