i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
