Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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