I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
