Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
