:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
