R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
