She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
