Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
