im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
