PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
