the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
