when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Randomize
