i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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