Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize