Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
