Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
