i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
