We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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