he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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