I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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