Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
