I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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