This is not my ceiling
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
