You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
