I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
