Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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