Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
