Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
