Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
