Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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