So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
