I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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