yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
