He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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