pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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