I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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