I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i need some magic done to my vagina
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
