I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i think i just lost a toe
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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