Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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