I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
