the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize