Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
