i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
