idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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