South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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