I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
