Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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