she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My bed smells like the plague
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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