They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
