I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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