My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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