It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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