So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
