Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
